NaNot Ramblings: When Enough is Enough

You must create because the idea isn’t to create something that’s ‘good enough’ or ‘really perfect’ or anything else. You must create because the idea is to create, to make something where something wasn’t before.

-Wil Wheaton

“Is that going to be for writing or art?” my friend asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered as my hand stroked over the smooth, creamy pages criscrossed by thin gray lines. That’s part of the process, feeling the paper, looking through the empty pages to see what will one day fill them. It’s a few days later, after this notebook and I met across a decidedly un-crowded office supply store, but when you know, you know. It was on clearance, I was in love, and when you know, you know. Sometimes, you don’t know everything, but sometimes, you don’t need everything. You need enough.

That’s something I’ve learned from my month of not-NaNo-ing this year. Month’s not over, but some things don’t need a whole month to learn. Maybe this year, I got the spirit of NaNo if not the letter of the law. I can’t tell you how many words I put on a page since November first (okay, I could if I went through and ran word count on my current projects) but I can say that there is story there where there was no story before. I can say that I get up excited to put pen to paper and then transcribe. I have characters living in my head again, jabbering at me and poking me to get their story down. They correct me. He didn’t go there, he went here. She didn’t say that, she said this. The theme of the story isn’t what I planned for it to be, but it is what it actually is.

It’s similar to bonding with a new notebook, bonding with a story, and to a greater extent, with myself as a writer. I am glad I made that my focus this month, because that, in the end, will get me closer to The End than trying to force myself into somebody else’s process. That’s never going to work, and as a living thing, it’s going to change over time. Time was, I didn’t see the point in fancy notebooks. Plain spiral bound notebooks were all I’d ever used and if the whole point was to put what was in my head on that page, what did anything else have any business there?

Don’t ask me when it changed, but over time, it did. There was an alternative to white paper? :blink blink: Ivory or cream is much easier on my eyes, looks delicious and adds a special something extra, so I look for that now. I used to be a lined paper purist. Then I discovered a gridded notebook in a discount store, became intrigued and gave it a try. Then I took a leap and tried unlined pages.. Those froze me, until I read about drawing a box around the page. Tried that, then couldn’t fill pages fast enough. Go figure.

Now, I’m voracious. I want all the notebooks. Some are ready to use right out of the gate, and some, like my newest acquisition up there, need some prep work first. I still don’t know what will ultimately go on these pages. Maybe it’s for writing. Maybe it’s for art. Maybe it’s for both. What I do know is that I’m not going to force it, and I’m not going to force my current writing projects. That’s a hard lesson to learn, but a needed one. Stories, to me, are living things, and there comes a time when they take on their own direction. Forcing them is not ever going to work, and will only end up hurting both of us. Working with their natural inclinations, however, that’s a different story, pun intended, and I can’t wait to see where that’s going to take us.

NaNot Blather: The Way I Do It Is The Way I Do It

“You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. But you won’t discover this until you are willing to stop banging your head against the wall of shaming and caging and fearing yourself.”
~Geneen Roth

Yesterday, at about this time, I was all set to get my Monday post up on schedule. It’s probably still somewhere in my drafts folder, lurking under (no title) or something else equally obscure. I had pictures embedded, all good to go, feeling rather smug about staying on track with the “other” tasks of the day so I could buckle down and write, and then…because there is always an ‘and then,’ an email notice popped up; could I possibly write a post for  Heroes and Heartbreakers on the all-Caryl (Carol and Daryl shipping) episode of The Walking Dead that aired the night before? Well, yes, of course, I’d be glad to. Which meant the world’s fastest rewatch of the episode so I could verify some quotes and count scenes (which ended up being all of them.) Do the first draft blabber, which is basically throwing words at the page like I’m talking, which is fast and rambly, and then whittle it down to the suggested word count. (Fun bit of Anna Trivia here; word count is not a problem with nonfiction, but comes darned near close to paralysis in first drafts of fiction)  Anyway, the end result is here, for those curious to see what i can turn out in about ninety minutes.

View from my front door yesterday -gorgeous gray weather is like catnip for me.

View from my front door yesterday -gorgeous gray weather is like catnip for me.

Today’s quote is from Geneen Roth, and is a new addition to my quote file, but is among those that have had the most effect on my current writing adventure. I haven’t read Ms. Roth’s books, been to any of her events, and I’m not even sure where I found this quote in the first place, but it has stuck with me. Since the gist of the post I was going to write yesterday wandered off after getting that request for the Walking Dead post, I’ll go with this instead.

Picture of yesterday's lunch, which went perfectly with the day's weather.

Picture of yesterday’s lunch, which went perfectly with the day’s weather.

The big thing that tipped me away from NaNo this year was the word count, and realizing that I was not the problem, that I did not have to change myself to fit into a program, that meant something. I don’t know that I got that before now. Even so, it’s scary to let go of things I’ve thought should be my guidelines. I should aim for a word count. I should plot. I should pants. I should do character charts and GMC and I should make sure there are absolutely no adverbs and whatever else piles on in there, because shoulds tend to multiply.

One thing I’ve noticed in the should family -and I have no idea how this happens- is that I often find myself in proximity to people who say lovely things about my writing…but I should be writing in their preferred genres. I’ve kept a list: contemporary romance, SF/F, YA, inspriational romance, nonfiction, historical mystery, literary, erotica, children’s books, thrillers, suspense, humor, and (I am not making this up) standup comedy aimed specifically at people with IQs over 150. There was a time, and it went on for longer than what I would care to admit, when I would bash my head bloody against a brick wall, trying to force myself to fit into that should, when it was never, ever going to happen. I love big, sweeping, emotional historical romance, high on the angst with a big payoff in the end. So that’s where I’m concentrating my time and energy. There are other authors who do all of the above amazingly well and love doing it, so those genres will not mourn my loss.

Is it possible to write in a genre or style one doesn’t love? Well, sure, it’s possible, but is it advisable? For me, generally not. No matter how much an intended audience might like a story, if I don’t, I will begin to hate that story. Avoid it. Cross the street if I run into it in public, metaphorically speaking and pray we don’t make eye contact, because it’s going to be awkward. On the other hand, there are those stories, long buried in notebooks and printouts and floppy disks (oh yes, that long ago; some of them may be painted on cave walls with swamp mud) that whisper and beckon because they are not done with me yet.

I suppose that’s a big takeaway for this month’s experiment. Lock the shoulds in a closet and do what I do. I wrote before I got tangled in shoulds, didn’t I? Then I can do it again. I’m doing it now, and there is nothing at all wrong with that.

Random picture of Skye because my brain is fried.

Skye thinks she should get more treats.

NaNot Ramblings: Story over words

Measuring your output against someone else’s output is a game with no winners at all.
Seanan McGuire

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I spent this past Saturday at my CRRWA meeting, learning about Twitter from the fabulous Rebecca Grace Allen. There was, of course, discussion of who’s doing NaNo and who isn’t. I did not personally take part in said discussion, since I’d been pounced by a scene for one of my current projects and wanted to get that down (in purple fountain pen, not pictured) before the actual presentation started. Some people did mention where they are in word count, but I don’t remember any of the numbers.

The quote at the top of this post comes from Seanan McGuire, and has been sitting in my quotes folder since this time last year. Last year, I was slogging through a historical romance someone else had asked me to write, and a story I wanted to want to write, one that hewed to the historical facts, including cool but little discussed historical fact. There were settings I should have loved, characters who, for the most part, should have fit the bill, but still felt like cardboard cutouts on popsicle sticks moving about a stage made from a secondhand produce crate from the grocery store. I had index cards and plot structure and dangit, everybody had to fall in line because this was NaNo, and I had to get words on the page.

That’s not what I’m doing this year. This year, I am letting the characters have their heads and trust that they are going to show me where we all need to go.It’s a different experience, and staying outside of the focus on word count is, so far, a very good thing for my process and output. I’m not visiting the NaNo forums this year (or at least I have not, yet) and when I do see the reports of those who announce they wrote however many thousands of words a day, or bemoan that they did not reach a word goal, it doesn’t affect me. Last year? Oh woe. 1667ish words per day – some days yes, some days no, and the no days meant without a doubt that I sucked, I was a failure, I would be moving my popsicle sticks around a grocery crate from now until doomsday, in endless circles, lapped by the ‘real’ writers who could set a word goal and meet it.

This year, I’m writing. My goal for the day is to get a scene written, or to the halfway point -that’s good, too- and outlined to the end of the scene. This lets me focus and live in the scene, crawl into the POV character’s skin, see what they see, feel what they feel. It’s what I did when I first fell in love with writing and didn’t know any better. It feels awesome. One of the projects I’m working on makes my heart slam against my ribs, beating its fists against the voices that insist I can’t do it. Those voices, I shut out. Mostly. Still learning. They sneak in once in a while. They always do. Still, head down, eyes on own paper, trusted CP on hand for blabbering to and talking me down from the ledges on which I occasionally find myself.

I don’t think I could do that and do NaNo this year. This year, it’s story over words. Get to the end, and if the story needs to be longer or shorter when I’m done, that’s what the second draft is for; this one is for getting the story out, and for getting to know Anna-the-novelist again. I’ve missed her. It’s good to see her back.

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NaNot Ramblings: Week One, So far

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I know I now have the choice to write what the heck I want to write, how I want to write it, and to make it as long and big and bold as I want to make it.
Marsha Canham

The plan for this month (and hopefully continuing) is to post at least thrice weekly. Monday, Wednesday and Friday are ideal. Today is Tuesday. Above is the picture that should have run on Feline Friday.This should give some indication of how the week has started.

Which is okay. We’re halfway through the first week of November, NaNo for many. I’m sitting out on the word count this year, but not on the writing, and so far, so good. Head down, eyes on own paper, focus on the scene and forget about word count entirely seems to be working. I’m feeling relaxed and confident, moving the story (stories, as I’m multitasking) forward and it’s, for lack of a better word, right for right now.

The place we lived before we moved to Albany was on the same street as our local Panera, and for quite some time, I would get up every weekday morning, get dressed, pack up computer and head there, sometimes arriving slightly ahead of opening. Today and yesterday, I packed up computer, put on clothing that would not look out of place were I going to one of the offices or medical facilities around our local Panera and took a walk through the park to create a home office away from home office. Bagel, tea, same as I used to in the old place, find a table with an outlet, and down to business.

Both days, the wifi was down, which meant the only thing I could do was write. Okay, then. Guests in scrubs and lab coats came and went. Deprived of Spotify, I listened instead to recordings from this year’s RWA National conference, as well as the, um, eclectic selection of music saved in my media player, and I wrote. Puzzled out the scenes I’d planned for both days, head down, shoulder to wheel as it were, and things happened.

Scene not working? Could I have missed a step? What would have happened between the last scene and the scene I’m finding a challenge? Try writing that. Nine times out of ten, that’s at least half of the problem. Blinking cursor staring me down? Try longhand. Bic pen? Fountain pen? Both have their uses. It’s a coming home of sorts, taking off the expectations and allowing myself to actually tell the stories. It’s different, maybe, from what I’ve felt I’m “supposed” to do, but am I moving forward? Yes. Are there more pages filled when I pack up my popup office and head for home? Yes. Do I feel good about what I wrote? Yes. I call that winning, at least from this perspective.

To NaNo or Not to NaNo: Going Rogue

doing my own thing, now with my own graphic

doing my own thing, now with my own graphic

Is this a final decision? Eh, maybe. There’s no saying I won’t lose my nerve and hop on the NaNo train in the next few days, or maybe do an end run and take a flying leap halfway or later through, but for now, I’m doing my own thing in November. That decision came last night, in the middle of my first meeting with an eclectic group of local writers, all talented, articulate and entertaining people. We’re still in the getting to know each other phase, and of course the question of NaNo came up. One gentleman asked if I was participating, and without thinking about my answer first, I said “not this year.”

What it came down to was that wordcount bugaboo. I don’t count my daily words at present, and I don’t find that a lack. What I do see is more pages in the document when I power down for the night than there where when I started, and I’m good with that. I’m filling notebooks, emptying pens, and transcribing most of that on my external keyboard, and I’m loving what I’m doing. I’m not bashing my head against the keyboard (maybe said bashing is why the laptop’s keyboard gave up the ghost before the rest of the machine; I don’t know, but I can’t discount it.)

Knowing what works best for me at this time is the mature, responsible thing to do for my writing, (and, honestly, a whole lot of fun) but that doesn’t mean I can’t adapt the things I do love about NaNo to my own use. In that vein, I’m going Rogue. I’ll be posting here about my writing progress during November, not with word count (but at the end, maybe, just for kicks) but what works for me. Scenes, characters, those unexpected turns stories take when we the writers aren’t looking.

What matters most to me this upcoming month is that I dive into both existing and new projects fully focused on what counts most for me; the story.  Not to say NaNo ignores story for words, because that’s not the case. I had a lovely time in Camp NaNo this spring, and won then, and I’m proud of it.

2014-Winner-Facebook-Cover

Why does it matter to me so much if I’m doing NaNo at any given session? If I haven’t babbled it out by now, it may not have an explanation. I do love the community, but y’know what? Writers exist all over the place. One of the gents in group last night made a comment that there are thousands of writers in one city alone, and he’s right. There’s a great group of gals (and guys) in my local RWA chapter, I have writer friends scattered all over the globe, all as close as my email or an IM window, and unless write-ins come complete with bouncers demanding the password, there’s no saying I can’t plop myself and my notebook down at a write in, and keep my eyes on my own paper. Or talk to my neighbor. Or whatever. Because what matters is that the story gets written.

The journey from “once upon a time” to “and they all lived happily ever after” can take many paths, and no one is more “real” than any other. What is real is what gets the story from my head onto the page, and eventually into the heads and hopefully hearts of readers. Do I know exactly what going Rogue means for me this particular November? Not entirely, but I’ll figure it out as I go, and I’ll be sure to blabber about it here.

To NaNo or Not to NaNo: Flippity Flop

“There’s a simple answer to that. I don’t believe I want to give simple answers,” said the vampire. “I think I want to tell the real story.” — Anne Rice, Interview With The Vampire

There’s a previous version of this post, likely buried somewhere in the drafts folder that I am putting off clearing out because techy things give me the heebiejeebies, but that’s okay, because the post I was writing and the post that you’re actually reading are two extremely different posts.

Yesterday, around this time, I started a blog post about how I was leaning more toward signing on for NaNo, but then a funny thing happened. I had three different conversations with three close and trusted friends, two writers and a reader, all independent of each other, but all with the same concerns.

Why did I want to officially sign on for NaNo? If I’m going to be writing anyway, why not count those words? Was this focus going to be a help or a hindrance to me?

While it’s true that, for some, keeping an eye on word count can be an easy way to measure progress, and it is certainly helpful for making sure a manuscript is the right length (can’t send a 100k epic to a short story market, for example) and keeping track of story points at the right place in the story, no one technique is perfect for everybody. For me, right now, what appeals is the focus on the story rather than the words. One friend asked how I measure progress if I don’t count words at this stage of the game. My answer was easy: scenes. Not counting them, but instead of “I will write two thousand words today,” rather, “I will write the scene where my hero and heroine argue about the villain.” That’s a concrete goal, it’s focused on the story and I’m happy with it. I’m probably going to go over that scene two or three times to add all the layers it needs, but for that one day, that scene is what I’m doing, and I’m in it and it’s in me. It’s also on the page, which is the whole point here, isn’t it? Allrighty then.

Same friend asked if there’s pressure on the wordcount – if others in whatever venue where I draw my NaNo support are hitting their goals, or exceeding, and I spent hours sweating a measly eight hundred words, which is only barely halfway there, would I feel sucky? The answer is an immediate yes. I would. I do. I have. But if the argument scene isn’t working? Well, that’s likely because something else that comes before it needs some attention, so maybe we need another scene before that? Usually, pegging what that missing scene is will get me off and running.

Speed, there’s another thing. I love the ideas of sprints; I really do. Years ago, I was in a writing group where we did the analog version, timed writings in notebooks. Get a prompt, pen on paper and keep on going until the leader for that night called time. Then we shared, and boy, did I love that. Loved it. Started more than one book that way. My Outcast Heart and Never Too Late were born out of such exercises, and I wouldn’t change a thing about that. The push to get 50k out in one month, though…yeeeaaaah, I don’t know that’s for me this year. There’s still time to change my mind on that, and there’s nothing saying I can’t be a friend of NaNo, because I have had a lovely time with it on other occasions, and I do love the social aspect. Maybe next year. Maybe Camp NaNo in the spring and/or summer will be the most natural thing in the world.

This year, though? This year, as two of the above friends pointed out, I’m finally getting my “me” back after too long away, and do I really want to try and fix what isn’t broken? Would I risk breaking what was fixed? As all three agree, if what I am currently doing now is getting me ever closer to The End, what would be my motivation for veering from that course? Because I “should?” Who says I should? Real writers NaNo? Well, sure, some. Some don’t. I haven’t taken a scientific poll, but I think I’m safe in assuming this is true. I do know real writers who don’t NaNo as well as those who do, at all stages of the game. So no, not all real writers NaNo. Should they? I haven’t the faintest.

In the end, what I have to do is protect the work. Keep going on until The End. If I’m going rogue, I can still keep track of my progress, my way. There’s something exhilarating about striking out on my own, sailing my own course. Striding through November with a piratical swagger and tell a tall tale or two about that process. That sounds pretty good right about now.

To NaNo or Not to NaNo: the benefits

i1035 FW1.1Big surprise, I’m still not decided on whether or not I’m officially signing on for NaNo madness. To all new readers who wonder if I always natter on about something of this nature, the answer is probably yes. Talking and thinking happen at the same time with me a good deal of the time, and I do like to examine things from multiple angles, so it’s safe to say I’ll be hopping over both sides of the fence until I finally have to pick one.

Last post, I talked about one of my biggest bugaboos about participating in NaNo, so with this one, I’m going to look at the other side of the coin and examine the plusses. For me, the biggest one is the sense of community. Moving from an area where I’d lived for decades to a place that was totally new was a big adjustment, but finding a local NaNo community as well as a fabulous RWA chapter made a big difference. Last year, the kickoff party was held at the coffee house where I write most weekdays. Getting plunked down in a room full of strangers who like to do what I like to do is always fun for me, and I have made some friends from my NaNo contacts. I’d be happy to do the same this year as well.

It has been suggested I can fake my way in, attend the write-ins even without signing up, and that’s a possibility. Though now I may have outed myself on that plan, but if they’re held in public places, who’s going to stop me, hm? Or maybe not. We’ll see.

Three pages of this, but no spaces, so NaNo count would say it's one word. Darned second keyboard.

Three pages of this, but no spaces, so NaNo count would say it’s one word.
Darned second keyboard.

There is always the option of joining the rebel camp, which I have done before, but not in the same way I’d be doing it this year. If I do it. I do have to admit I like the sneakiness of being a rebel. The new project (still deciding how much I want to talk about it while under construction) would be starting from scratch, so it is a new work, but I’d also likely split my time between new and existing projects because I am in love with two stories right now, and it’s not a matter of picking one or the other. It’s an and situation here. I like working on more than one thing at one time. Working on one thing feeds my desire to work on the other, and if I’m at a roadblock with one, then I can take a break, work on the other and come back with new perspective.

Oh well, looky there, new rules say I don’t have to start from scratch and can continue with a WIP. New food for thought, and I still don’t know. What I do know is that not knowing has helped me meet one of my other goals, that of growing this blog and posting more often, so the blabber is doing some good. I’d never meant to have a break from blogging; quite the opposite, but overthinking got me there as well. Here, I get on, I blabber, I put up pictures because I put up pictures, and on with the show. So, still undecided as we head into the final week, and this may well continue, but that rule change does tip things every so slightly into the yea category. Which may change. Or not.

Off to wander the moors and contemplate...

Off to wander the moors and contemplate…

Layer Cake and NaNo Pondering

There is no actual cake in this post; I’m rambling about NaNo again, but my birthday is Friday, so there will likely be cake to share then. In the meantime, have a picture of Skye.

Skye has the right attitude.

Skye has the right attitude.

NaNo start date looms ever closer, and I still don’t know if I’m signing. up for the official ride. Part of me wants to, because that’s what one does this time of year, I will be writing (and blabbering about it here) no matter what, so what’s the harm?

The big bugaboo for me is word count. If I focus on that, I get the aforementioned mental muscle cramp, I hate the story, I hate writing, I have to count every single word? Can’t I tell the story? That’s what I came here for in the first place, so why is NaNo trying to distract me with math? Did I mention I failed the really really easy math course in college twice? I love the idea of plowing through to The End; in fact, that’s one of the things I’m working on in my own personal writing renaissance, but there’s one problem with this. I’ve discovered I write most naturally in layers. Did I always work like that? (Long time crit partners, feel free to weigh in  here.) I couldn’t say, but it’s what I’m doing now. Get the bones down, quick and dirty, and then go over it again with a few more passes. Organs. Cartilege. Connective tissue. Muscle, skin and hair. Clothes, makeup, a few accessories, and good to go. How do I fit all of that into a daily word count when it’s as likely words are going to be subtracted as well as added, moved around, turned inside out…did I mention that college math class?

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This is an accurate representation of my first-first drafts, and no, I am not opening those notebooks here. Lots of longhand, lots of bullet points and boxes with swirly corners drawn around them because that’s how my mind works. Different colors of inks and highlighters, sticky notes everywhere. Small Moleskine lives in my purse, in a comfy pouch with all the pens and highlighters and smaller pad of sticky notes. Spiral notebooks (current project, one of the two of which I am working on, at different stages; if I do sign on for  NaNo, I may split my time, automatically putting me in the rebel camp. I am probably going to work on both, NaNo or no NaNo anyway) are both for the same project. The one with the flowery (weedy?) cover is already full, white on black lettering about one third of the way there. Yellow legal pad is one of many culled from my dad’s house (vintage!) and somehow in all of that, the story comes together. Plus bouncing things off a critique partner (only the one for this particular story at the moment.) Don’t ask me how I do that; I just do it, and maybe that’s the best way for me at present.

I love writing again, I can blabber to my CP to my heart’s content without having too many voices get in my head and drown out not only the voices of my characters but my own as well (a big factor in the derailment of the last few years, I am sure) and still keep shoulder to wheel and nose to grindstone and get that story told. I know these people. I know their world. I know why they need to be together and I know why it’s darned freaking hard for them to get over what’s standing in their way so they can do that. The story is getting told, and isn’t that the whole point of NaNo in the first place? If I have to pick between words and story, I am going to pick story. Maybe I’m already fulfilling the spirit of NaNo if not the letter of the law? :shrug:

Skull socks make everything better.

Skull socks make everything better.


To NaNo or Not to NaNo and Happy Albanyversary to Me

 One of the questions that is probably troubling you at the moment is this: How do I know whether I’m a writer? And the question can only be answered with another question: Well, do you write? If you don’t, you’re not. If you do, you are. There’s nothing else to it.
–Nick Hornby

This is one of my all time favorite quotes, but one of my all time favorite writers, and, this time of year, it’s especially apt. We’re ten days out from the start of National Novel Writing Month, and I am not signed up for it yet. I don’t know if I will be, and I may not know until the starting pistol has indeed been fired. This is not entirely a bad thing.

I love the support in NaNoWriMo, love my local group, have met friends through last year’s journey…but the book? Well, I wrote it. Did I make 50K? I don’t think so, but the truth is, I don’t remember or feel like going back to check. The whole thing felt and feels as appetizing as a snack of wet cardboard, so that’s a sure sign that something about that whole particular endeavor was not right for me.

This year, I want to have a different emphasis. Not so much focus on word counts, but on what counts. For me, that’s telling the story, and listening to the story so that I can tell it. Does that always conform to hitting a certain amount of words on a particular day? No. Does that mean the story moves forward? Yes. Are those always the same thing? Not always.

I did Camp NaNo this year, and won that. Had fun doing it, too, and I suspect being able to set my own word count goal helped somewhat. Confession: I am not a word counter. I can tend to obsess if I do keep that in mind, and end up in a fetal position under the dining room table, clutching a stuffed fish (plush) and muttering something about Zwieback. It’s not a fun place to be. In the end, I suspect I will do what is best for me at the time I need to make the decision. In either event, I will be posting and documenting here, because pretty much anything is more fun for me if I can blabber about it.

Washington Park sunset

Washington Park sunset

Two years ago today, my family packed up our entire lives and departed the old country for the brave new world of Albany, NY. My only regret was not being able to convince all our beloved CT and MA friends to move with us (or for that matter, FL, CO, MI, etc; if I could ever have everybody I love in one huge room, that would be paradise.) I cannot say how good it feels to be home. I want my writing and the books that come from it to be home as well. Same with this blog.

It’s all a process. It’s also a journey. Some twists, some turns, some whoa-what-is-thats, but I have to trust that it’s going to take me where I need to be.

Saturday Afternoon Stories

Saturday mornings when I was but a wee princess, I would get up early, have blueberry yogurt for breakfast and settle in for a couple of hours of cartoons. In those days, that meant a lot of Hanna-Barbera, and the arrival of the live-action Land of the Lost meant TV time was done. Usually, my parents would have the day planned. A visit to the house of friends was always best, especially if those friends had girls my age, because then it was play time. This usually meant imaginative play, turning the shows we’d watched into adventures we lived. Prehistoric alternate universes, outer space, somehow transforming the expanse of grass between apartment complexes and tract houses into what would probably be termed a postapocalyptic wasteland in which we intrepid heroines must find a way to survive. Live action fairy tales.  Families with structures that seemed impossibly convoluted at the time, but in today’s society would likely not get so much as a blink. 

Sure, there were the occasional times when we’d have to engage in some directed activity. Being fair-skinned, near-sighted with laughable depth perception, many allergies and an impatience with most sporty pursuits, friend and family softball games were a special kind of torture, and I never got the appeal of kickball. It was okay, though, as I could use that time for my brain to free-float and come up with more ideas for further adventures. It never occurred to me in those days that I could write things down.  That came later, in school, but to this day, I can’t go past that stretch of grass without being transported back to those days, even if the family who lived in the house that bordered that grass has long since moved on and the new owners undertook an ill advised attempt to make a midcentury masterpiece into something more storybook. That’s another story in itself, and I don’t think it’s one of mine, so I’ll move along. 

At some point in my elementary school career, I got cut off in the children’s room in the public library. Fourth or fifth grade, I think, the librarian pointing out that I had settled into checking out the same books over and over, and went through them rapidly. Time to go into the adult section. I protested. I liked it where I was, and I checked out those books because they were good…but beyond Ant and Bee, and one collection of tall tales about a cowboy character, I can’t remember a single one of them. Adult section it was, but under protest. Wouldn’t it be better if there were more kid books? (I predated the YA revolution by ah, some time, I should point out here.) Where were the pictures? The adventure? The stories of things that happened long ago? 

As it would happen, all of those things started showing up in the bags of books my Aunt Lucy would bring on her visits to our family. Aunt Lucy was my mother’s sister, married to Uncle Pat (he who taught me to play poker the one and only time he was allowed to babysit me) always had a paper grocery bag full of books for my mother. These books had everything I wanted on the covers. People. Ships. Castles. Horses. Swirls or moody washes of color, and the books themselves were thick enough to get my insatiable reader heart pumping. I was allowed to look at the covers, but not read inside, and dutiful daughter that I was, I managed to resist. Until The Kadin, that was, but since my mother bought that from Caldor, instead of it coming from Aunt Lucy’s bag, Aunt Lucy was off the hook. 

I wanted that book. I lusted after that book, in my story-loving soul, and it didn’t matter that there would be s-e-x inside (seriously, my dad was big on the classics, and they’re full of the human condition in all its glory) – I needed that story. It wasn’t only the enticing blurb. It wasn’t only the lush shades of coral layered over a beautiful couple in exotic surrounds. My mother tried to fob me off by telling me the story was about a Scottish girl “in the olden days” who was betrayed into slavery and spent forty years in a harem, then went home because her daughter in law didn’t like her. A) my mom would have kicked butt in writing synopses, and B) SOLD. I. Had. To. Have. That. Book. I snagged it, I read it under a bed during a thunder storm (don’t recall if it was a Saturday or not) and I was not sorry when I got caught. I pilfered the next one, and after that, Mom bought me my own copy because I was going to read it anyway. By then I was old enough, and though cancer took her soon after that, I think she would have been a great ally in both my reading and writing (and yes, she would have been entitled to free books.) 

For a while, my dad and I frequented an indoor flea market on Saturday afternoons. My favorite stalls were always those with vintage comics (70s era Wonder Woman was my favorite, along with horror comics, and I now kick myself for not venturing into the romance comic bins) and used books. I came home with hefty hauls to see me through the rest of the week, stashed books in out of the way places – under the bathroom sink, in a guest room end table, etc- so I could get a dose whenever I wanted. The flea market eventually folded, I went off to college, and Saturday afternoon story hunting took the form of browsing my first used book store (UBS) and, because the time finally felt right, starting to write my own first historical romance, which now is safely tucked away in a storage unit where it can’t hurt anybody. 

Now it’s Saturday afternoon again, my Kindle is full, and I am preparing for a walk in the park. For part of the time, I’ll listen to recordings from RWA national conventions past, and for part of it, I will leave my brain to free float once again, characters swirling about, ready to race across the expanses of their own adventures. Camp NaNo is coming.