Hi. If you’re new here (which would surprise me, because it’s been a while, but stranger things have happened.) I’m Anna. I write stuff. For a while, I haven’t been, and I’m going to talk about that. For my gentle readers, trigger warning:

*anxiety
*depression
*PTSD
*homelessness (past)
*trauma work

After this post, I intend to get back to talking about reading, writing and pens and paper. I am feeling better now, and the first topic that came to mind for my first post back was why I’ve been away. Talk starts after stock kitty picture. (Storm is great; Google Photos is giving me guff.)

So. Yes, I did indeed fall off the face of the earth. At least that’s how it feels. Life is funny that way. Survive homelessness (it was thirteen months, several years ago, now, and we are very much secure in our current situation) and expect to pick up where normal life left off, or alternatively, do the hard trauma work then, but not in this case. When I asked Wonderful Therapist (WT) why it took me three years to fall into isolation mode, she said most likely because that’s when my brain figured out the security was probably going to stick and thus it was safe. Well okay then.

The presenting complaint when I first started seeing WT was that I love reading and I…couldn’t. Kind of important for a writer, especially one who plans on making that their career. I did manage to co-write two contemporary romances with my awesome contemporary co=writer, Melva Michaelian, and we have more in the works, but writing on my own, even getting back to the solo historical romance in progress, that I passionately loved and love, was a big NO. Want to, need to, but brain says NO.

Blogging, much as I loved and love it, was a HECK NO. Not because I didn’t want to, as I very much did and do, but because when I went to start an entry, there wasn’t anything there. Talking about writing felt like the same thing over and over again if I didn’t have a new release to promote. Not going to lie, getting very good rejections for the second two books in the Love by the Book series started with Chasing Prince Charming, was discouraging. Melva and I still love those stories and they will still be available to readers. That’s another topic. I felt like I was treading water in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and my arms were tired.

At no point did doing bad things to myself come to mind, so that’s good, but there was still…a lot. Even so, the radio silence descended. I love taking pictures. I did not take many pictures (except of Storm, who will also be back to blogging soon.) I love chatting on social media. I did not engage much on social media. I love writing snail mail letters. I did not write snail mail letters. I did and do journal, though, and going forward, I will probably be adding more content on journaling, because that was the first thing to come back on my road back to me.

It’s a very interesting journey. I did participate in the April Camp NaNo, with weekly check in chats with an awesome former RWA chapter sister and came away with a full historical romance outline. Yay. I also outlined what could be a low fantasy romance or at the very least needing a fictional country. Those are both percolating. I am working on my first indie publishing venture. There is a plan. Next week is final final edits. Then Melva gets a pass through. Then I take care of any errata, and then off to the formatter and cover art form and all of that stuff.

I count this as, if not “back,” then close to it. As I’ve said, it’s a journey. There was the summerlong heat wave, or more accurately back-to-back-to-back heatwaves that mistook New York for a spit-roasted chicken. Not the greatest summer for Real Life Romance Hero, but he is also doing better now, and we have affectionately named our new portable air conditioner, “Koolio.” RLRH nixed the idea of giving Koolio googley eyes, though Housemate was on board with it. Kind of a three yes, one no on that sort of thing.

On top of it all, we are staring September in the face, which is the time of year my superpowers come back. That’s how reverse seasonal depression works. I can’t say whether future posts are going to be this rambly or touch this much on mental health but the main reason for making today posting day was to end the radio silence. The first step is often the biggest one, so here we are. Again. At last.

How are things with you?

As always (again) Anna